Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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