He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
