so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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