I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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