life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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