Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
