I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
