I'm gonna have a badass scar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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