Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you will always have a special place in my vag
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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