So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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