I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
