we're chasing vodka with high fives
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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