remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
