If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
