I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Mom said you looked used
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
