and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
