U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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