I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
