My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
