and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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