Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize