There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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