We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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