it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
