Will you blow on my dice?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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