also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
