Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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