i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
