Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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