Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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