Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How external is "for external use only"?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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