You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
