Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
