if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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