I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
