i permit you to call me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
