i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
