is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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