i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
