Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
