I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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