I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
