she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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