It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
