singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
