I think my fart just growled at me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
