Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
