he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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