Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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