I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
