Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
