WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
