i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
