The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
