My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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