this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
